


How'd We Get Here?

by Topographical_Map_Of_Utah



Series: Along Came Baby [14]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: His Name's Aiden, Let's End This With Some Backstory, M/M, Mature Emotional Conversation, Modern AU, Post Mpreg, Stormpilot, They Had A Baby!, Trans!Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8268892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah/pseuds/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah
Summary: Because after everything that's happened to them, it's a pretty reasonable question for Finn and Poe to have.





	

Poe walked into the living room to find Shara gently dragging Aiden across the hardwood floor towards her bedroom. Aiden didn't seem to mind, but it would just be irresponsible parenting if Poe let this go on.  

"Put him down, kiddo, he's not a sack of beans." he chided, prying Aiden out of her grasp. "What're you doing with him, anyways?"

"He wants to play dress-up." Shara explained, pushing her tiara back up on her head. She had already put sunglasses on Aiden and stuck a bowtie sticker on his onesie. Poe rolled his eyes and scooped her up in one arm, cradling Aiden in the other.

"You can play dress-up later." he told her as he carried the two of them over to her bedroom. He tossed Shara onto her bed, making her giggle. "Now get dressed. We're going to meet Dad at the museum."

"Did you go to the museum when I was a baby?" Shara asked, wriggling out of her Belle costume. Poe shook his head, hunting around the room for clean socks. Whenever Finn had an especially long shift Poe usually found himself scrambling to keep stuff together on the home front. Shara held up a mismatched pair and he shrugged. At least they were clean.

"Nope. They would've kicked us out because you were so loud." Aiden was okay, though. Mostly the little guy just grunted and squirmed when he wanted something. Nothing like Shara. It's not that she had been a fussy baby, but the kid had some pretty powerful lungs. "I'll be in the kitchen, kiddo. Holler when you're done."

"Okay." Shara agreed, but she had already gotten distracted and was trying to do a handstand against the wall. Poe rolled his eyes and walked out. She'd get back on task eventually.

In the kitchen Aiden started to fidget and paw at Poe's chest, interrupting his attempt to throw together some dinner for the four of them. "Alright, buddy. Here you go..." He unbuttoned his shirt and rested against the counter, grinning when Aiden made a happy little noise and nuzzled closer. He'd taken awhile to figure out nursing, but a couple weeks in he had finally gotten the hang of it.

While he snacked on a granola bar Poe hummed a lullaby and glanced at the fridge, all of Shara's drawings and crafts plastered on the door. Finn rotated them, so they all got equal opportunity to be appreciated whenever people came around to visit. Today the featured piece was a portrait of Aiden, or maybe an egg with a face. Poe wasn't sure. One thing he did know was that the little guy looked more and more like Finn every day. That scared Poe a little more than it should have.

After what had happened four months ago Poe found himself yo-yoing between being relieved and fucking furious. That cop should be in jail, not on paid leave, not defended by his peers as a damaged man going through a divorce. Well tough shit. Depressed or not, he didn't have the right to use an innocent man as a punching bag. 

Then there was the flip side of the coin, when all of a sudden Poe would remember that their kids were safe, and he knew that for their sake he shouldn't invite more trouble. The anger may still have been boiling under his skin but Poe restrained it, hating that he was letting this happen but also knowing that as a father it was what he had to do.

He was conflicted, is all I'm trying to say. 

A second later Aiden pulled away and sneezed, accidentally blowing a milk bubble and whimpering when it popped. Poe laughed and kissed his forehead. "Are you ever gonna grow any hair?" he asked. The phone rang and he scooped it up, holding it out of Aiden's reach while he answered. The kid was really grabby. "Hey, sweetheart. What'd the doctor say?"

"You're in Spanish again." Finn sighed. 

"Whoops. Sorry." Poe switched, laughing. He'd gotten into the habit of talking to the kids in Spanish, get a head start on the whole bilingual thing. He could hold a conversation with Shara pretty well at this point. It was fun, like the two of them had a secret code. One of his favourite tricks was to tell her to look at Finn and laugh. She'd catch on and whisper back, asking how long it would take for Finn to notice. After a couple rounds of that Finn would get fed up and demand what was so funny, making Poe and Shara burst out laughing. It was awful. And Finn fell for it every time. "What'd the doctor say?" 

"I'm officially cured. It's a miracle." 

"You still have to go to physio." Poe reminded him. Finn was pretty bad about going, said it made him feel like an old man. 

"No. I'm cured. It's a miracle." Finn said flatly. Poe rolled his eyes, flipping absently through their calendar. They could squeeze in another date night a month from now. If they were lucky, that is. 

"For fuck's sake, Finn, you got shot."

"Language. You'd better not be holding Aiden right now." Finn groaned. Poe glanced down at the baby and grinned sheepishly, hoping he would stay quiet. Instead Aiden let out a burbling squeal and pawed at the phone. Little traitor. "Well wouldn't you know. Hi, Aiden. Tell your Papá he's in for it when I come home." 

"Aw, c'mon. I made you cupcakes." Poe complained. "Like, they're from a box, but I had to mix everything up and not burn it. And I made the icing myself." A couple of them were a little crunchy, but for the most part Poe was pretty damn pleased with himself. 

"Wow, you baked? Fine. I forgive you." Finn relented with a laugh. "We still on for the museum?"

"Yup. We'll be there in half an hour. C'mon, Shara. We're leaving." Poe called down the hall. "See you in a bit, sweetheart."

"I need to learn Spanish..." Finn sighed as he hung up. When Poe put down the phone Shara ran into the kitchen, Poe's motorcycle helmet in her arms.

"Whoa, sweetheart, not today." he insisted, grabbing the helmet and tossing it onto the couch. While Poe rushed around getting last minute things together and strapping Aiden into the baby carrier Shara stared longingly at the helmet, the way you'd expect a kid to stare at a giant banana split. Poe's motorcycle fascinated the heck outta her.

"When can I go on your bike?" she whined when Poe pulled her to her feet. Poe shrugged, slinging a backpack over his shoulder and smoothing down Shara's curls.

"When your feet reach the footrest." he laughed as he herded her out the door. "How was school?"

"Good. We had Family Day." Shara told him, skipping down the stairs. Poe sighed and stepped away from the elevator. Well, he could use the cardio. "We read a story about a kid with two mommies, and a story about a girl who was born a boy. So she was sorta like you but the other way around."

"Really? Did you learn anything?" Poe asked, genuinely curious. Finn had really fought to get that class into the curriculum. There were still a couple parents who disagreed with it, but majority rules, and eventually everything was arranged. 

"No. I already knew that stuff but everyone else was real surprised. Some didn't get it. Nico said that God only likes boys and girls to be together and got put in timeout because he had a tantrum when Teacher said no. And Erica and Nico and Lana's mommies all showed up during recess and talked to Teacher. They used all these big words and looked real mad. Teacher got annoyed at them. She said they were  _chauvinists_." Shara drew out the word, unfamiliar on her tongue. "What's a chauvinists, Papá?"

"A chauvinist is somebody who thinks that anything different from them is wrong." Poe explained. "It's like a fancy word for a bigot."

"Bigot? Like the bad guy who shot Daddy?" Shara asked innocently. Poe nodded, squeezing Shara's hand a bit tighter, pressing Aiden closer to his chest. He didn't say much for the rest of the walk. They had tried their best not to let Shara know what had happened to Finn on their way to the hospital. She was four, for God's sake. But a couple months ago one of the parent helpers mentioned it in passing during class and she freaked out. 

After getting an urgent call from Shara's teacher Poe left work and found the poor kid curled up under a table in the classroom, crying and refusing to come out. She wouldn't calm down until Poe got Finn on the phone and he talked her down, promising that he wasn't dead, that he was okay, and that no, he wasn't a ghost, where did you get an idea like that? When she asked why they shot him Finn had hesitated, said they would talk about it later. So that night, when the four of them were curled up on the couch watching a movie, he explained very carefully that some people didn't like him because of the colour of his skin, and when those people were police officers, that meant he was in trouble. He explained that Poe found himself in the same boat, that because of this they had to stick together, had to be strong.

Shara had nodded, wide eyed, then she said something that Poe knew he would never be able to forget. She had looked at her baby brother, drooling on Poe's chest, and asked Finn,  _But what about Aiden?_

_What about him?_

_Are they gonna shoot Aiden?_

Finn hadn't said anything, which Poe knew was the only answer for a question like that. It scared them both, knowing that eventually they would have to sit Aiden down and tell him that, for whatever reason, he had to tread lightly, had to watch his back because inevitably, somebody out there was going to see him as a threat. Shara would have to come to grips with the fact that when some people saw her, they saw an object, a toy that existed for their amusement. Innocence couldn't last long in this family, Poe knew that. But in its place, hopefully the kids could build themselves up into something more, something stronger.

The real question was if they would be given the opportunity to do that. 

Poe shook his head and put it out of his mind. No point in mulling over all that right now. It would really put a damper on date night. And besides, he reflected as he turned the corner and saw Finn sitting on a bench outside the museum, so long as Finn was around, they'd figure it out together.

When Finn noticed them he hopped up and smiled, hiding a wince. He must have been let off early, seeing as he was on light duties. It drove him insane, but honestly Poe kind of liked it. Knowing that he'd have a husband to come home to every night was a pretty comforting thought.

"Hey, baby-girl." Finn laughed as Shara ran up to meet him. 

"Sorry we're late." Poe winced when Finn scooped up Shara and spun her around. "Your shoulder-" 

"Is fine." Finn interrupted, kissing Poe on the cheek and making a face at Aiden, who giggled and made a grab for Finn's finger. "I'm back on next week. Finally..." 

"The chief said that you could take as much time as you need, y'know." Poe reminded Finn, really hoping he would take him up on that offer. After three months off and another month on light duties Finn had taken the physical and passed, much to Poe's chagrin. In his opinion four months was not enough time to recover from a beating of that level, but Finn was determined to get back on his feet, even if it meant giving his physiotherapist a heart attack when he admitted to doing chin-ups. Nothing could keep him down for long, Poe knew that. He was the same, but it was different when it was Finn. Poe shrugged, adjusting Aiden's beanie and not meeting Finn's eye. "I know you're gonna go back no matter what I say, so just..."

"Just stay safe?" Finn provided gently. Poe nodded and grabbed Finn's hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

"Stay safe." he confirmed. 

"Papá! Daddy! The museum has dinosaurs!" Shara squealed, interrupting them. She grabbed Finn's hand and dragged them all up the stairs. "I wanna see a T-Rex!"

"Alright, baby-girl, no need to rush. The dinosaurs aren't going anywhere." Finn laughed. He smiled at Poe, and Poe found himself smiling back. What could he say? When he saw that smile, Poe knew everything would be alright.

 

\-------- 

 

Finn strolled through the museum, the thinning crowd reminding him that he was on the clock. This place was like a damn labyrinth. At one point he had found himself walking in circles, trying to find the exit. Suffice to say that navigation was not one of his strong suits. Ten minutes before closing Shara had insisted on dragging him all over the museum, trying to find one particular stuffed fox in one particular exhibit that she was sure was alive. After staring intently at the suspect for a good ten minutes she had fallen asleep on the bench, leaving Finn to carry her back to the entrance, where Poe was waiting with Aiden. 

His shoulder smarted but he ignored it, bouncing Shara to try and get some feeling back into it. The cop had left him with a pretty nasty scar above his collarbone, but other than that he was okay. Well, he told himself that he was okay. Usually he kept the whole arrest situation out of his mind, because he'd just get worked up all over again and nobody needed that. Besides, there had been a hearing awhile back and as far as Finn was concerned it was over and done with. The cop had been acquitted because, well,  _America_ , but at the very least he had to pay their medical bills. Finn was pretty sure they had only been that lucky because on paper, shooting a fireman and striking a pregnant person who had an Air Medal and Bronze Star looked pretty bad.

Once again, lucky really shouldn't be the word for what had happened to them.

When he finally blundered his way into the atrium Finn found Poe at the entrance of a temporary exhibit on WWII. Finn had peeked inside, but nothing in particular caught his attention, and at any rate the kids weren't interested. But Poe was staring intently at a display case full of old pictures and trinkets. When Finn got closer Poe elbowed his ribs and nodded at a photo in the top right corner of the display.

"Take a look. Vintage gays." he laughed as they traded kids. Finn looked at the picture and smiled, hugging Aiden to his chest. It was a snapshot of two guys in uniform looking out over an airfield with their backs to the camera. They were sitting on a crate together, the guy on the left with his chin propped up on the other guy's shoulder. Their faces were blurry, but Finn was pretty sure they were kissing. From the looks of it they didn't know they were being photographed. "Far Rockaway airfield, 1949." Poe read aloud. "Huh. I guess we're not that new of a concept after all." 

"You'd think people would have gotten used to it by now." Finn pointed out. He rested his chin on Poe's shoulder, grinning when Poe circled his free arm around his waist.

"Give it time, sweetheart." Poe glanced around the mostly empty room before kissing Finn on the cheek. "Just give it time."

"You think he said that to him?" Finn asked, looking at the photograph. 

"Touché. They look happy, though." 

Finn had to admit that Poe was right. He nodded and gave Poe a quick kiss, taking him by the hand and pulling him towards the door. "C'mon, before it gets dark."

They didn't hold hands while they walked. Usually when it was just the two of them they figured  _to hell with it_ , even being so bold as to sneak in the occasional kiss, but when they had the kids with them they were a bit more wary. While they were waiting for the light to change Finn noticed a family standing on the curb opposite him. Same number of kids, same age from the looks of it. The little girl was even wearing a pink bow almost identical to Shara's. The only big difference was that the mom was a snowy blond and the dad was pale as anything, and it was no big deal when he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to his side. A twinge of inexplicable jealousy tugged at Finn's gut. What made that okay?

"Would you want to be normal, if you could?" Finn asked Poe when they rounded the corner. The question had just slipped out, but Finn had felt it building for a long time. It was a reasonable thing to ask, after all. If things had been different Poe wouldn't have those scars on the back of his hand. Shara and Aiden wouldn't know that there were people out there who thought they shouldn't exist. Finn wasn't gonna lie, normal sounded pretty good right about now.  

"Like if the doc had been right when they decided I was a girl? If I could've grown up wanting to wear makeup, style my hair, buy a lacy pushup bra for my sixteenth birthday?" Poe squeezed his pecs together and Finn laughed. "I dunno. Would've saved us all a helluva lotta trouble if I'd just managed to be born right..."

"D'you think you were born wrong?"

"Do you think you were?" Poe asked, bouncing the question off of Finn.

"Well, I don't think so now..." But he had, a long time ago. At one point Finn had hated himself, more than that, he didn't understand himself. Guys and girls, really? At times even he wished he could just pick a side. 

The number of occasions he'd been called  _confused_  or  _going through a phase_  or just plain  _greedy_  was staggering. If he'd made a drinking game out of it he would have been dead from liver failure by twenty. Which would have been a shame, really, because he would have just missed meeting Poe. 

"Things would have been easier, that's for sure. But I wouldn't have you. We wouldn't have these two." Finn decided, pressing a kiss to the top of Aiden's head. "We got what we wanted in the end, didn't we?"

"I know, but I can't help but feel we missed out on a couple things." Poe shrugged, rocking Shara back and forth and cupping the back of her head, holding her steady. "It's stupid, but when I was pregnant, no random clerk was dying to give me advice about how to make the baby smarter. Nobody told me I must be having a boy because I was carrying so high."

Poe had a point. The typical reaction they got were plastic smiles and questions about why in God's name a man wanted to get pregnant. Finn had even been told that he must be straight after all. But the worst were the people who said gay parents weren't parents because they adopted, and seeing as he and Poe were gay parents who had kids the usual way, they were frankly beyond explanation. It was a fucking mess.

"It kinda sucks, sometimes. When people find out we didn't adopt they act like we just revealed some big secret, like we built a couple tiny Frankensteins and we're trying to hide it." Poe continued. Aiden squeaked and Finn pat him on the back, watching Poe's face beginning to fall. "People think that we're different. Not bad, maybe, but still different."

"I like different." Finn declared, pressing a kiss to Poe's cheek. "And since when have you needed other people's approval?"

"Since these two." Poe hugged Shara and nodded at Aiden, who had woken up and was smiling at him. "Shara already knows we're different. The little guy's gonna learn eventually. It'll be tough on them."

"That's what we're here for, I guess. We'll help them figure it out. That's our job, after all. I think we're pretty good at the whole parenting thing. We're doing fine, right, Aiden?" The baby burbled in agreement and Finn laughed. "Exactly. Shara thinks so too, I swear." Finn looked at Shara, smiling as she mumbled in her sleep. Something about a fox and cupcakes, Finn wasn't sure.

"They're gonna do fine." Poe said, nodding in satisfaction. Finn looked from Shara to Aiden, the peaceful, sleeping faces. After considering it for a second he nodded and kissed Poe on the cheek, grinning when he felt the smile lines around Poe's eyes crinkle up under his lips. 

"Call me crazy, but I think you're right." Aiden squirmed and Finn tickled him, smiling when he giggled. "I'm really glad you suggested this. Having kids, I mean." 

"Yeah?" Poe asked hopefully.

"Yeah." Finn grinned, thinking back to a little over six years ago. Poe had rolled over in the middle of the night and popped the question. It had sounded like a spur of the moment thing, but actually, it was the product of months of Poe pining and hoping. Finn didn't know that, and Poe still didn't quite know where he had gotten the courage to ask. 

 

\----------

                                          

"Do you ever think about kids?" Finn asked suddenly. It was six years ago on the other side of town. Before Shara and Aiden, before the rings on their fingers. Poe cracked a grin and scooched closer, bouncing a bit when the train turned a corner. Admittedly the subway system was a little bit rickety.

"Do I think about kids? Consider that sentence for a minute, Finn..." Poe teased.  

"You're disgusting." Finn rolled his eyes, poking around their bag of takeout and cracking open a fortune cookie. As he read it a smile spread across his face, letting Poe know that this one was a keeper. Finn always pocketed fortunes he liked. Deep ones, goofy ones, there was one that just said MADE IN THE USA. That was Poe's favourite.

"Something good?" he asked. Finn nodded and handed over the cookie, keeping the slip of paper. He never told Poe outright what the fortunes said. Poe had a vague sense that Finn thought that saying it out loud would negate it, like how if you tell someone what you wished for on your birthday it won't come true. "So, kids, huh?"

"Kids." Finn confirmed, the train screeching to a stop. Poe shrugged, biting off a piece of his cookie.

"I dunno. If we had kids I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life explaining how we got them, y'know? Like some kind of zoo exhibit..." Finn nodded and squeezed closer to Poe as the seats filled up. A woman walked inside and sat down across from them, a squirming baby in her arms. Poe caught its eye and the kid burbled, a lopsided smile on its face.

"Fair enough. Besides, adoption's a hassle." Finn went cross-eyed and the kid laughed, squirming in its mother's arms. "Say, d'you wanna get a dog?"

"Yeah, a dog would be nice. Maybe a corgi." Poe shrugged and smiled. He watched Finn making faces at the baby, laughing when the mom noticed and Finn flashed her a dorky, apologetic smile. What a doofus.

Poe tried not to let on, but Finn's question was really nagging him. He wasn't sure if he had ever told Finn that he could still have kids. Most likely he hadn't. The idea kind of terrified him, honestly. No telling what kind of reaction that would get. But the craziest part was how badly he wanted to try.

And he  _was_  trying. He had never said a word to Finn, obviously, but Poe's ears perked up at every bit of weird advice, every old wives tale on how to get a bun in the oven. Most of them were bullshit, he knew that, but false hope was better than none at all. And Poe really needed hope. He wasn't sure why. All he knew was that he wanted a kid.

Lying in bed that night Poe stared out the window while Finn snored at his side. As per usual the guy had just rolled over and fallen asleep afterwards, but Poe lay awake, holding up his hips at an angle, hoping that something would stick if he let gravity do its job. He felt kind of ridiculous, but there was no harm in trying.

When his arms gave way he slipped out from other the covers and crept around the bedroom, gathering discarded plates and glasses, picking clothes off of the floor. Finn had borrowed his old leather jacket, which Poe had basically torn off of him when they got home. After a couple years the shoulders had been stretched, on account of Finn being a bit more built than most. Poe smirked, glancing at Finn's curled up form in the bed. At this point it was more like their jacket. While he was digging in the pockets he came across the fortune Finn had opened on the subway. Curious, he unrolled the piece of paper, stepping into a shaft of moonlight to read it.

_Only one who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible._

"You're a real sap, y'know that, Finn?" Poe snorted, tossing the fortune onto the bedside table and flopping back down, making the bedsprings squeak. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and poked at his belly, letting himself wonder, just for a moment. Could they manage to get a baby in there? That alone sounded pretty absurd. It would be no picnic, either. There would be doctors, questions, and then, there was always the possibility of failure.

 Poe sighed, stretching out on top of the covers and looking blearily at Finn. He was lying with his face buried in his pillow, moonlight pooling in the dips and ridges of his back and softening the defined line of his spine. He'd be an awesome dad, Poe knew he would be. But Poe didn't have as much faith in himself. Was he brave enough to be a parent? Nope. Would he royally fuck up any kid of his? Yup. Was there any chance in hell that Finn would be okay with getting a guy pregnant? No fucking way.

But the real question was whether or not any of that would stop Poe from wanting this. He tugged at his curls and took a deep breath. Fuck it. No harm in trying. Doing his best not to think too hard about it Poe rolled over and nudged Finn awake, watching him open one eye and shrinking a bit when he saw Finn's dazed smile. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's have a baby."

**Author's Note:**

> That's all, folks! Or not, I haven't decided yet.


End file.
